With or Without
by Jacksgirl217
Summary: Even sightless, Leon still knows his way around Cloud's body, though there are still some things he'll always be afraid to admit to. (C/L, and a small amount of angst. Tiny, really! A dedication fic for E. Rayne.)


**A/N:** I know, I know! I promise, chapter nine is almost done - just a few more tweaks and whatnots here and there. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this.

I've been wanting to write a 'blind' fic for a while but was unsure as to how to go about it, who should be the poor sightless bugger, and how and why it all happened and all that jazz. This morning I woke up at 4.30am after a dream about spiders and was totally unable to get back to sleep. So I put my mind to better things.

I seriously think I should become an owl or some other form of nocturnal animal. I seem to do my best work at the most ridiculous hours.

This is dedicated to my friend, E. Rayne, who is not feeling too chipper at the moment. I hope this warms your soul. xxx

Enjoy. X

**Disclaimer:** All characters and places belong to Square Enix and/or Disney. No infringement intended, no profit made.

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**With or Without.**

A soft sigh and a small sound of frustration pulled Cloud from his own task of undressing, to find Leon sat quietly on the edge of their bed, his fingers pressed to his temples in silent anger. His boots sat unlaced and neatly stowed next to the bed and the man's jacket and gloves sat across the chair in front of the desk. His belts, which were crisscrossed at his waist and tangled around each other in a jumble of buckles and straps, sat knotted in his lap, their mess preventing the brunet from removing his trousers.

Cloud waited a second or two, still unsure even after these long months, whether he should interfere or let the brunet work these things out for himself. The very last thing he wanted to do was patronise or belittle their leader who was, after all was said and done, still their leader despite his current... affliction.

The moment Leon hefted a weary sigh, his shoulders shuddering and sagging with the weight of his inadequacy, Cloud moved softly to kneel in front of his lover and placed his hands over the trembling fingers of the older man.

"Let me." He offered simply, his voice unobtrusive and gentle.

The brunet relented, pulling his hands away from his lap and leaned back slightly to allow his younger partner better access.

As Cloud worked the jumble of belts and threaded each one through its own buckle, he glanced up into the face of the man who sat patiently, silently waiting as he was undressed. His face was still as handsome and refined as Cloud had ever seen it. His mouth - still an elegant and full pout that sat under a straight nose, his finely arched brows, which were always pulled low were no different now; the scar that slanted between them crinkled and puckered by the action. His eyes... Cloud sighed. His eyes, which at one time had been a storming, squalling shade of gunmetal grey, were now coated in a milky white sheen; the glimmer, the uniqueness of them lost behind the blindness that had robbed the man of his sight and his very way of life.

The brunet sat starring - unseeing - at his lap as Cloud worked the last of his belts free, the younger man's hands moving to the brunet's waist, his fingers curling under the white shirt to press against warm, tan skin. He squeezed lightly but the gesture was not enough to lift even the corners of the man's beautiful mouth.

It wasn't often that Leon indulged in moments of self-pity. Since the attack - a brutal and violent surge of heartless and a poorly cast 'blind spell' that had gone horribly, tragically wrong – which had left him sightless, he had surprised everyone, Cloud included, with his determination. Despite his handicap, he had adapted and returned to as normal a life as was possible. There were exceptions of course. He could no longer fight, and as big a part of his identity as that was, Cloud thought that he was dealing with its obliteration remarkably well. He guessed it was just a part of who Leon was: this unfailing, unwavering determination: his stoic nature. Cloud couldn't help but admire him fiercely for it.

However, nights like these, when the outside world had retreated and there was no one else to witness his weakness, sometimes, his frustration and pain would shine through. Cloud would never blame him for that.

"Hey." He coaxed, reaching out to rub a soothing hand up and down his lover's arm, which was limp and heavy beside him. The brunet barely shifted, his face still lax, his expression utterly lost and defeated. Cloud hated to see it. "Don't fall apart on me now." He only half joked, unsettled by the man's deep and troubled silence.

Leon stirred and lifted his hand from his lap, reaching out blindly to search for Cloud's face. His younger lover caught it and helped guide him to his own cheek, where the brunet gently ran his thumb over the soft flesh.

"I miss your face." He said quietly, almost a whisper.

Cloud swallowed thickly at that, unable to find the words to comfort his lover. He squeezed the hand that was pressed to his cheek and turned his head, kissing the palm.

There had been a time when Cloud had considered leaving. His battle with Sephiroth was far from over and there were still a lot of things that needed to be taken care of. He had never considered his casual relationship with Leon - which hadn't really been about anything more than just fucking - to be serious enough to keep him in Hollow Bastion. But now...

Cloud had no idea when the goal posts had changed. He couldn't recall a specific moment or defining thought that had made him realise something profound and deep with a flashing instant of clarity, or any of that clichéd bullshit. But for some reason, the morning Leon had woken up, a week after that horrific attack, sightless and helpless, the desire to leave had not been as strong as it normally was, and gradually, it had left him altogether.

Cloud's heart twisted at the thought of leaving now. He looked up at his silent lover from his crouched position at his feet. He would never characterise Leon as _anything_ but strong and able and so much more resilient than Cloud would ever be, but there was an undeniable air of vulnerability to the older man as he looked out, blind and unsure into a world that was now a terrible and frightening mystery to him. Cloud would never be able to fathom that kind of isolation and for some reason it made him desperate for the older man.

He reached up and pulled the older man down to kiss him, gentle and smooth in his movements so that Leon could keep up, tilting his head to deepen the kiss as he brushed back soft bangs. His hands went to the hem of the brunet's shirt and lifted, the removal of the garment only breaking their kiss for a moment before Cloud's lips were back, hot and urgent against Leon's mouth. He heard the older man let out a soft groan and felt the warm rush of air against his skin.

Deft fingers began to work their way over the fastenings of the blond's clothes, tugging at zippers and flicking open buttons. Even sightless, Leon still knew his way around his body.

Shrugging out of his blue knit jumper, he gently pushed his older lover back onto the bed, the soft mattress dipping under their shared weight as Cloud spread himself on top of the brunet, pressing hungry kisses to his neck and along his shoulder. He devoured Leon's moans and sighs, his body pressed close to the man that shifted subtly underneath him.

Undressing until there was nothing between them but heat, and in the perpetual darkness that was Leon's world, the older man's hands never left Cloud's body; he clung to him, afraid of losing himself and afraid to simply let go.

Cloud's rough and calloused hand came to rest above Leon's, a warm palm caressing the fingers that gripped feverishly to his hip as he pushed himself into the older man and he relished in the tiny shudders that rippled through the body that fit so perfectly around his own. A hand that reached out blindly for his face wound its way into his hair, pulling him down to press their foreheads together, breathy moans ghosting out over flushed skin and moist lips and Cloud dipped his head, capturing that trembling mouth with his own. He placed his forearms against the mattress to brace himself, shifting his weight to allow him to push deeper and the older man let out a desperate cry as Cloud hit that spot deep inside his lover, a strangled "don't let go." breathed out in a rush against Cloud's soft lips. The warrior cupped Leon's face, his touch against fevered skin a relief to the shuddering older man who needed those hands to keep him grounded.

"I'm here." He promised him, gentle thrusts accentuating his words.

Leon came with a loud moan, his head tilted back, pushed hard into the pillow, his mouth wide and his sightless eyes screwed shut as he shuddered his way through his orgasm. His fists were clenched heavily in Cloud's hair, his thighs clamped hard around the younger man who rocked into him, pushing himself further towards the edge, not ready to let himself go until he had watched every last bit of his lover's release.

As Leon gasped through his final aftershocks, Cloud released and came hard into the quivering body beneath him, pulling the man's arms around him and his hips flush to Leon's backside. He rutted his thrusts erratic and he emptied himself with a final gasp, collapsing, spent and boneless against the brunet, who was panting softly underneath him.

Long moments passed and the two men shifted themselves into a comfortable hold, the blond's body curled around the taller man's, who lay replete and stretched out, a hand tucked under his head.

Cloud traced the man's profile with his eyes, letting his gaze wonder over that straight nose and those perfect lips, now swollen and kiss bruised. He was so close he could count the individual lashes of the man's closed eyes. He reached up and brushed a few errant bangs from his lover's face, the back of a scarred knuckle caressing soft skin.

"Leon?" He asked gently, his voice quiet and low. The man mumbled a husky reply, too sleepy to form words.

"I love you." The blond said, more sure of anything than he had been in his entire life.

Leon's eyes flickered open, and even though he could see nothing, he turned his head as if to look at Cloud, his brows low and troubled. He licked his lips and let out a little sigh.

"Don't, Cloud." He replied, his voice soft and gravelly. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" The blond asked, honest confusion colouring his words.

"Pity me. Don't say things like that just to pity me."

"I don't pity you, Leon." Cloud replied, his tone dark. If there was one thing he had never,_ ever_ done, it was pity him. "I mean it."

Leon turned his head away as if to look across the room, but instead his useless eyes just stared into nothingness. There was a long stretch of silence and Cloud was worried that Leon would say nothing at all, before the scarred man spoke again.

"We've never needed to say it to each other before." He argued, unable to accept the blond's words. His fists were clenched and Cloud noticed his whole body had gone tense.

"Well, I'm saying it now." He replied simply, turning the brunet's face towards him with a light hand. He propped himself up onto his elbow and stared down at the face he held. "You can think what you like, but I_ do_ love you and it's _not_ out of pity. I won't let you push me away because you're feeling sorry for yourself."

Leon reached up and put his palm over the hand Cloud had placed against his cheek, slowly relenting as the younger man bent to press a soft kiss against his lips, the tip of his nose and each closed eyelid. He turned his face and kissed the palm that held his cheek.

"You know… I...You know I feel the same, right?" He asked timidly.

Since his accident, he had met every challenge and he had fought them all head on - challenges that would have stripped a lesser man of his courage and dignity. But Leon had defeated them all, seemingly without fear and with utter self-control. Some things however, would always leave him scared and vulnerable – with or without the use of his eyes.

"I know." Cloud replied, content that he was as close as he was ever going to get to hearing Leon say those words - for the moment, at least.

He pulled the older man to him and settled himself against the pillows, allowing the darkness that was Leon's constant companion to creep up and hold him in sleep's sway.


End file.
